Recent conversations with friends I've had forever have lead me to believe something I already knew.....I am not open to relationships. I am the worst person ever as far as not giving someone a chance or at putting a huge gaping distance between me and anyone who gets close to me.
Does this mean I need therapy? After relaying a recent man story to one of my college friends she said to me, "I honestly don't know if you're getting better or getting worse."
After making a declaration to my blog partner that I should be dating, she told me something along the lines of, Really? Doesn't seem to me like you're at all interested in that or looking for guys in any way. You seem to be doing just fine on your own.
Which, for all intents and purposes is true. But, I think I've lost the ability to put myself out there in that scary, vulnerable way that you have to in order to find someone to fall in love with. And that is not a place where I want to be. I can blame the location of where I currently live and its lack of available guys til the world stops turning. Truth is, even if the right guy came along, I'd probably blow him off in some brilliantly idiotic way.
Hmm...way too introspective for a Wednesday evening!
2 comments:
I could have written this - it's such a mirror. Makes me think. Thanks for sharing.
My point was - you are currently very happy, fufilled, preoccupied with your job and meaningful friendships. Why ruin a good thing with all of the self doubt and crappy emotions involved in dating. I wasn't saying that if you meet someone, don't give them a chance, I was just saying - don't go to that "I really should be dating right now" place where you tell yourself that you want to date and act like someone other than yourself (flirty weird version) to make it happen. I have a theory, that just when you don't want it, need it or otherwise, there he will be. Dating is miserable, I thank some hindu god every blessed day that I never have to do it again. Dating is hell. 90% of it is self critsizm, why make a consious decision to go there?
When he shows up, you will know. Until then, be happy. Be very very happy.
Post a Comment