If any of you haven't seen one of the true masterpieces of American Cinema, leave work immediately and drive directly to your local Blockbuster to rent OFFICE SPACE. Shit, just buy it. I know that it has Jennifer Aniston in it, but it is really good, I swear. Plus Ron Livingston is quite hot.
It is becoming more and more obvious to me that I am working in Office Space. Take for example the sad sad ritual of birthday parties. People show up for cake, stare at their shoes, make small talk with only the person sitting directly next to them and then leave. People even make a ritual of wearing Hawaiian shirts on Friday, it isn't an official work policy, but they do it anyway. If we have a crazy hat day, I am f-ing quitting.
I hardly have room to write about the forms, policies and codes that we have here at the Department of Innertrode, but I feel overly compelled to share this tidbit with you.
"NEW! Click rather than call ...Introducing the NEW Copier Maintenance Request Form A link to it will reside on the left navigation by theBuilding Maintenance Request Form."
Yeah, why spend 5 seconds calling someone to ask them to come and fix the copier when you can spend 2 minutes filling out a form and still get ignored? Now they have a larger repertoire of excuses to ignore you even more efficiently.
"You didn't fill out all of the fields on the CMRF so we couldn't process your request. " "Fuck you assholes is not a Department recognized e-mail address." "'PC Load Letter What the Fuck Does That Mean?' doesn't follow the policy, code of format of the CMRF process." It isn't a TPS report cover sheet, but it is damn close.
Now if you will excuse me, my red swingline stapler is missing and I haven't gotten a paycheck in months.
3 comments:
similar vein - my co-workers were "out-walmarting" each other this morning, one was there shopping the day after Thanksgiving at 5am, the other - 4:30 IN THE G.D. A.M. Walmart. She saw actual fistfights break out. Wal-mart, the day after thanksgiving, 4:30am??? can you say "definition of HELL?" is that how people show their love? GROSS.
your explanation of the cake made me giggle, as we do the EXACT same thing. do you work in my office and i just don't know it??
-aj
We don't have any traditions, gatherings, celebrations ... heck, we barely talk unless we are working on a case together. I'm not sure which is worse.
I just got a flyer to sign up for Secret Santa. One of the "perks" listed is to make a new friend. So I have one more person to be ignored by at work functions. Goodie.
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